Getting ready for your first time hotwifing experience? For most couples, the first time she sleeps with another man is filled with excitement and anxiety. It’s natural to be nervous about playing with another guy for the first time – whether you’re the hotwife or her husband, the stag – and it’s just as natural to be giddy with anticipation. We want your experience to be a complete success, so here are ten tips every couple should follow for their first time hotwifing.
1. Discuss your desires and expectations
It’s absolutely critical that you’re both on the same page before she has sex with another guy. That’s why it’s a good idea for both of you to list your desires and expectations. Why are you exploring hotwifing? What does she hope to get out of the experience? What does he hope to get out of it? How will this strengthen your marriage?
Discussing those topics before you even choose a bull will help limit feelings of trepidation, jealousy, unfaithfulness to ensure you both have a wonderful time with the hotwife lifestyle.
RELATED: How to tell your wife about your hotwife fantasy
2. Set clear boundaries
Just as important, the next step is to set clear boundaries, both physically and emotionally:
- What is allowed?
- What is off-limits?
- What is “not yet?”
Having clear boundaries helps ensure no one’s feelings are betrayed – and it’s crucial to stick to them, even when it’s easy to get carried away in the moment. If there is something you want to do that you didn’t discuss, save it for next time and have that discussion first.
3. Choose the right first time hotwifing encounter
Next, discuss what the first-time experience should look like. For example:
- At home or a hotel?
- Drinks first?
- Will husband watch, stay in the car, stay in the hotel lounge, or stay at home?
- Will husband join?
- Safe sex – condoms or not?
- Will husband film?
- What is the bull’s role? Penetrative sex? Oral sex? Massage?
- Will husband masturbate? Wear a chastity cage?
- Will she send texts or pics to husband?
- Where is the bull allowed to finish? Can he cum in her? On her?
Ultimately you need to know how you both envision the evening going – and determine what you need to do to ensure it meets your expectations.
RELATED: The ultimate guide to hotwife training
4. Define the bull’s role
Understand that the bull is not just a guy she sleeps with – he is an extension of your fantasy. Decide whether he is there to seduce her slowly, focus entirely on her, interact with the husband, and if he should be dominant, romantic, playful, rougher, softer or something else.
Your bull will play a major role in whether your first hotwifing experience is a disaster or a spectacular success, so it’s extremely important to define his role before you start looking for him.
5. Pick the right bull
Once you’ve defined the bull’s role, the next step is to find him. Start by listing the hotwife’s and stag’s criteria (because her husband should have a say, too, so that he doesn’t feel threatened by the bull). Ideas include:
- Physical attraction
- Age and maturity
- Cock size
- Discretion
- Communication
- Respect for your boundaries
Look on dating apps or, if you’re comfortable, swinger clubs or perhaps people you know (but understand that could get messy fast). Make sure your selected bull checks everything on your list – if one doesn’t, move on.
Explain to potential bulls:
- It’s your first time
- You want it to feel fun and relaxed – no pressure
- His role in your fantasy and exactly what is expected of him
- You have boundaries that must be respected
Avoid these red flags:
- He is impatient
- He ignores the husband
- He tries to renegotiate limits
- He acts like it’s about him (it’s not)
Look for these green flags:
- He is respectful
- He makes her feel attractive
- He understands his role and your boundaries
- He is discreet and emotionally mature
- Exceptional hygiene
Remember, the right bull knows that he is helping you bring your fantasy to life, and he is eager to please – but you must also discuss his limits and boundaries and make sure you respect them.
RELATED: 40 hotwife challenges and dares
6. Meet first, then play
Some couples dive right into hotwifing, meeting prospective bulls for drinks or even at their hotel room and getting right to the fucking.
We do not recommend that.
Instead, meet the bull first to vet him thoroughly before you play. It should be a completely different night. It’s a good idea to meet for drinks or dinner and get to know each other a bit and ensure everyone is comfortable with one another: hotwife, stag, and bull.
After you meet your bull, go home and discuss. Is he the right guy for your first time hotwifing experience? If so, then you can set up a date. If not, keep looking.
7. Give hubby a role that feels hot, not helpless
While hotwifing is very much about her pleasure, it’s a couples’ fantasy, and the husband must have a role that feels fun and hot to both him and his hotwife. For example, will he be:
- Watching
- Joining
- Waiting nearby
- Receiving text and pic updates
- Planning the date
- Vetting bulls
- Wearing a chastity cage
- Masturbating
- Kissing her or holding her hand
- Filming
It’s completely up to you which role the husband takes, but it should be one that turns you both on.
RELATED: Hotwife games for couples
8. Make the build-up part of the experience
Anticipation is part of the fun, and couples can spice up their first time hotwifing experience even more with:
- Dirty talk and texts that discuss what will be happening during date night
- The husband buying her dress or lingerie for her big date
- The husband helping her get ready: joining her in the shower, washing her hair, talking with her while she does her makeup
You might even circle the date on a sexy calendar and do a fun countdown with a different sexual activity leading up to date night!
9. Check in on comfort (without killing the mood)
Everyone must absolutely feel comfortable the entire time, and if one of you wants it to stop, then it stops, immediately, no questions asked. You tell the bull you need to stop, say your goodbyes to him, and then talk about what happened in a supportive, nonjudgmental way. Was it the bull? Too many nerves? Something else? You can decide later whether you want to try again or if the hotwife lifestyle just isn’t for you.
We recommend setting a safe word so that if either of you says it, it triggers your pre-discussed “escape plan” immediately.
10. Plan to reconnect
Many hotwife couples like having the husband “reclaim” his wife after she’s slept with another man – that is when the husband has sex with her to “make her his” again.
RELATED: What is reclaiming a hotwife?
You can follow a reclaiming ritual or you can simply plan a gentle reconnection after the date. Here, you should share what the experience meant and felt like to you. What you would do again, what you wouldn’t do again, and what you would change. Discuss feelings and emotions and support one another so you can continue your hotwife adventure (if you choose) in a safe and confident manner.
BONUS TIP: HAVE FUN!
Of course, it should go without saying that your first time hotwifing experience should be a lot of fun. Yes, there are nerves, but if you follow these tips to plan your date, then you should be able to ease into it, get a little more comfortable, and have a truly good time exploring your fantasy through amazing orgasms. Together.
