If you’re in a BDSM relationship with a D/s dynamic – and you’re the dominant partner – then you might be interested in different ways to punish your submissive. The following lists submissive punishment ideas – but first, we’ll discuss why punishment might play a role in your relationship and when it’s appropriate to punish your sub.
The Role of Punishment in a D/s Relationship
If you’re the dominant in a D/s relationship, then you can use punishment as a means for maintaining control and discipline over your sub. That might be self evident, but it’s not always practiced, as some couples use punishment as part of their play – in other words, punishment is part of the fun. That’s not how punishment should work, in the strictest sense; that said, you should do what feels right to you.
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For relationships that take D/s more seriously, punishment should be used to ensure the sub obeys. If they don’t, they should be punished. Good punishments for subs are:
- Unpleasant – but often useful. Punishments for subs should not be sexually pleasing, at least for the sub. That said, punishment isn’t just for being unpleasant – it can be used as a tool for guiding the sub to be the best version of themselves
- Appropriate. Though some dynamics call for extreme punishments for relatively minor infractions, for many couples, the level of punishment should match the offense. In addition, punishments should be reasonable. Subs desire to please, so don’t set yours up to fail
- Swift. When your sub disobeys, they should be punished as soon as possible. Sure, you can take some time to think of an appropriate punishment, and you can wait until you have time to punish your sub, but don’t let the consequence linger. Dole out punishment as soon as possible
- Consensual. This should go without saying, but before you engage in a D/s relationship, you need to set boundaries, rules, safe words, and generally come to an understanding of expectations and what is – and isn’t – acceptable
When to Punish a Sub
Here are some times when you should consider punishing your sub.
- Breaking the rules
- Being dishonest
- Being late
- Failing to properly worship or care for the dominant
- Masturbating
- Doing a poor job at an assigned task
- Looking at other men or women
- Not meeting their goals or adopting assigned habits, such as daily exercise
- Having a poor attitude
- Disrespecting you
- Anything else you’ve previously agreed upon that warrants punishment
25 Punishment Ideas for Subs
Submissive punishments can be anything you want them to be – and you should feel free to get creative. Here are some ideas for consideration:
Pain/Discomfort
Pain and discomfort is a common way to punish a sub. Just keep in mind that some subs enjoy pain, so if yours is one of them, slapping their balls might not be the best punishment. That said, it’s ultimately up to the dynamic you’ve agreed upon, and there’s nothing wrong with mixing a little pain and pleasure if that’s what you’re into.
1. Impact play
Spanking, whipping, flogging, caning, slapping, smacking, paddling. All are examples of impact play you can use as a sub’s punishment.
2. Candlewax
Light a candle and pour hot wax on your sub as punishment.
3. Nipple clamps
Nipple clamps can be a good way to punish your sub, whether male or female.
4. Ballbusting and cock and ball torture
Ballbusting and cock and ball torture can include various forms of impact play, but they can also include tying, rubber bands, weights, crushing, squeezing, Wartenberg wheels, stretching, sounding, and more.
5. Biting
You can bite your sub… well, anywhere.
6. Post orgasm torture
Though allowing your sub to cum might seem counterintuitive to punishment, it could be a great option if you intend to inflict post orgasm torture – an intense experience that will have your sub begging you to stop.
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Tasks and Acts of Service
Tasks and acts of service are excellent nonsexual punishment ideas for subs.
7. Household chores
Laundry, dishes, taking the trash out, sweeping and mopping the floors, dusting, or tackling a larger project like detailing your car or planting a flower bed make good tasks for a sub’s punishment.
8. Waiting on the dominant partner
You can make your sub wait on you hand and foot, serve as a footrest, cook you dinner (and clean up after), or sexually please you.
9. Exercise
Exercise is a good punishment, especially if one of your sub’s goals is to improve their fitness.
10. Writing a poem or story
Task your sub with writing a special poem, erotic story, journal entry, or anything else your heart desires. You might even have them read what they wrote out loud to you.
11. Running errands
Send your sub to the grocery, carryout, boutique, bank – on any errands you need.
12. Giving the dominant partner a massage
Subs should want to serve their dominant partners, and tasking yours with giving you a massage is one way they can do that.
Humiliation
Humiliation is another punishment idea, but one you need to be careful with. You don’t want to do anything illegal or that will have lasting social consequences for your sub.
13. Dog training
Train your sub like a dog. Hold a training session in which you train them to sit, stay, lie down, or put a collar on them and take them for a walk.
14. Eating off the floor
You could punish your sub at dinnertime by forcing them to eat off the floor.
15. Public humiliation
Make your sub humiliate themselves in public, such as having them crossdress before you leave the house. You could also get a virtual audience for more risque humiliations.
16. Lecturing
Give your sub a stern lecture, which will not only be humiliating but upsetting, since your sub will not like that they’ve disappointed you.
17. Free use
Make your sub remain naked at home for free use whenever you’d like. If you’re both into it, you could invite some friends over to use your sub, too.
18. Cuckolding
Have sex with someone else, either while your sub watches or somewhere else. You might send hot messages to your sub letting them know what you’re doing while they’re sitting at home alone.
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Denial
Denying sexual and nonsexual gratifications can be strong punishments.
19. Edging
Bring your partner to the edge of orgasm, then back off – over and over again.
20. Orgasm denial
Either with or without edging, do not allow your partner to cum.
21. Chastity
Place a chastity cage or chastity belt on your sub to ensure they’re unable to enjoy sexual pleasure of any kind.
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22. Denying treats and favors
Do not allow your sub to enjoy treats, desserts, massages, or other favors during the punishment period.
Deprivation
Depriving your sub of things they like – or even sensation – can be a great way to make your point.
23. Bondage
Tie your partner up and use them sexually – or just tie them to the bed, chair, or table, and leave them to think about why they’re being punished.
24. Confinement
Confine your sub in a cage, closet, small bedroom, or somewhere else they can be alone with their thoughts.
25. Sensory deprivation
Deprive your sub of senses with blindfolds, nose plugs, earplugs (or noise canceling headphones with white noise) and let them stew over how they’ve disappointed you. You might combine this idea with bondage to tease, torture, or otherwise punish them at the same time.
Of course, these are just some starter ideas. Don’t be afraid to get creative! Come up with your own unique punishments that are meaningful to you and your sub. Meaningful punishments help you share a bond and can make sessions much more intense and fulfilling.
